The perfect marriage

Honestly? Well, I want a lot of what I already have. But if I were to describe the "perfect" marriage, it would be and have...

1. Two people who are deep and true friends who love each other and put the other before themselves

2. A partnership, where both people take on equal, though separate, roles

3. Passion...for each other and the things that matter to each other

It's really that simple. I suppose I could go into detail...what does "friendship" look like? It means enjoying each other's company, making each other laugh, supporting each other in times of emotional need, giving each other advice and being each other's sounding board. True friendship is true love...a place where both people trust the other implicitly and know each other as well as anyone could (there are always parts of us that are a mystery...sometimes even to ourselves).

A partnership? That's pretty easy, too. It means both people are an equal part of a team. They know what role they play and support the other person at all times. They talk and plan and organize together, making goals, celebrating successes, and dealing with losses or frustrations together. A partnership isn't necessarily perfect. But, it involves a lot of discussion and "going back to the drawing board." It means knowing your "position" and holding up your end of the bargain. I hadn't really thought of it this way. And though I believe that we have a pretty strong partnership...this does seem to be a possible weak spot now that I really define it in detail.

Do I feel supported by my husband? Yes. And I feel we are the very deepest and truest of friends. We love each other and do, indeed, have a partnership where both of us are equally important and necessary. Our problems are 2 (apparently) and 3 (mainly). And I can't figure out if that's just my problem or what. Because I do have passion for things. I just haven't had passion for my marriage for some time. And I think that can mostly be attributed to our constant bickering, discussing, debating, fighting, and my avoidance of the topic of SEX.

Way back when...what is it that made me feel PASSION for him? He was new. He was hot. 

So why lose passion when he's not new...or is less hot (because, let's be honest...so am I)? Because I've gained a lot with the loss of "new" and "hot." We have a secure home, a family, and while we don't have much disposable income, we CAN afford to do things every once in awhile.

I suppose the passion must be created. Much like an ember in a fire, it needs to be stoked and encouraged and fanned...given a new breath of life. And after some work, we can sit back and admire it and enjoy its warmth. Of course, it'll weaken again and need more attention. But isn't that the case with all things?

I think the reason I have renewed passion at work is that I have time away from it. I can reignite my passion during breaks, after books I read, after workshops or conferences. I suppose if I had periodic breaks from my husband and family and went to workshops on how to improve it, it would be a lot like it is at work. However, unlike work, I can't turn off "home" or "marriage" or "family." There is no "break" from it. It's always there.

Maybe I should find a "retreat" or build in some "breaks"...no matter how short. And workshops? Well, I'm sure they exist. It's just a matter of finding the ones that actually work and that I can afford. This whole "life coaching," "marriage coaching," "counseling" thing is expensive as hell.

I suppose I'll be using spring break to do a bit of reading and journaling. I'll look around for coaches/counselors and workshops. We'll see.