How to be a better wife...Step 4: Trust and Sex

It might seem like a real "duh" to say you should trust your husband. But I mean, really trust him. Trust that he'll get shit done, even without you nagging. Trust that he'll call. Trust that he won't lead you astray. Trust his ideas. Trust his plans. Follow him into the darkness without a flashlight, because you know he'll take care of you.

Because honestly, if I can't trust my man that deeply, what the heck did I marry him for? Right? I'm not saying "live dangerously" or "blindly let your husband get you both arrested becauses of his stupidity and juvenile behavior." After all, he's a dude...and though I'm stereotyping men here, even my husband would admit guys do some pretty dumb things in the name of entertainment.

I'm talking about with your relationship.

My husband, while not overly romantic, definitely has his own ideas about love and sex and how they weave their important and complicated web through a marriage. It's my job not only to share in creating that web (a much better metaphor than a ball and chain, don'tcha think?) but to give credence to the strands that he contributes. Most men like to lead and love to be followed (once again, a generalization, so forgive me if it doesn't apply to your man). They love to be looked to for guidance and advice. They like to feel they are helping. And they like to feel like their ideas won't be shot down by the one girl who can still intimidate the crap out them (their wife).

Hence, trust. Trust him as he leads you down the rabbit hole. You never know...it might be fun. Ask him what he'd like...what he wants...what he wishes you would do. And even if you're not so sure, give him the reigns of your sex life for a night or a weekend and see what he does with them. And then keep your criticism to yourself. You can always talk about it later. And you can have your turn, too.

I think a lot of guys are too nervous to tell us what they really want sexually. They're afraid of judgement, afraid we'll think they're monsters, or worse. They want to trust us with their sordid fantasies, and they genuinely want to hear ours. Hell, I think the majority of "real" men want to get into our minds a lot more than they want to get into our pants. So that trust goes both ways. We need to trust that they won't hurt us or do anything that goes against our values or past our limits. We need to trust them with our fantasies and refrain from judging theirs.

Being a better wife is all about finding ways to make our husbands happy without losing ourselves in the process. Most men aren't looking for a Stepford Wife. They just want a woman who loves them, with all their faults, and still finds them sexy and desirable, and necessary. They are natural providers and protectors. We should trust nature and help them fill that role to the best of their ability without criticising when they fail.

Beside every great man...is a woman who love him.