A terrible wife...

So there's no point in holding back, I suppose. If I'm going to tell the story, leaving too many holes will leave it flat, aimless, and well...honestly, unhelpful -- to me or any reader who happens to stumble across my blog.

You don't know me. But, you might be like me. Last night, in the midst of one of our deep conversations about the waning state of our union, I came right out and said, "I'm a terrible wife." He didn't disagree. In fact, he actually said, "Yes...you are. But, you're an amazing friend and I love you more than anything."

Before you demonize him for agreeing that I'm a terrible wife, it's important to note, from the rest of our conversation, that he knows he's got work to do, too. He owns the problems in our marriage better than I do. He even said, "I'm working my ass off to save our relationship, and I just don't feel anything coming from your side."

He's sort of right.

And then...the really dreaded question...on a night when honesty seemed to just be flowing: "You just don't love me the way you used to, do you?" I couldn't lie. I don't. I don't have the same passion for him, the same kind of need, the same kind of want. And he's dying to be wanted...by someone...anyone...he just wishes it would be me. He's not a cheater, which is part of the reason he's so miserable. If he can't get it at home, and he won't get it elsewhere, he just isn't getting it at all. And he's the kind of guy who physically, mentally, and emotionally feeds off of intimacy. Sure, he wants crazy, wild, kinky, adventurous sex...but he also just wants to be sexually close - it's how he feels loved and connected.

A while back, I read The 5 Love Languages. I found out that his languages are "words of affirmation" and "physical touch," while mine are "acts of service" and "quality time." Neither of us is great at speaking the other's language. BUT...he's at least trying with the acts of service. My "words of affirmation" are weak. I fall back on "I love you" too often, when I need to be delving in deeper and telling him what it is about him I love. Why I need him. What I find sexy about him.

It really does hurt me to see him in so much emotional pain. Knowing that I'm the cause. Knowing he loves me unconditionally and wants me every second of the day. Knowing that I love him unconditionally, but can give up sex for weeks at a time without batting an eyelash.

He says he feels like he's losing me. He doesn't know how to make me happy. But, really, I am happy, for the most part. A bit bored, maybe. Complacent, yes. Stuck in a rut and a string of bad habits.

I love my husband, but how do I fall back IN love with him?



30 Ways to Fall in Love with Your Husband Again (today.com)

How to fall back in love with your husband (Redbook)