"What can I do to make your day better?"

Hmmmm...it's an interesting question, and quite similar to one my husband asks on a regular basis: "What can I do to make you happy?" He knows I have to make my own self happy, and that, while it isn't his responsibility to make me happy, it is his responsibility to do what he can to aid in that process. It is also my responsibility to do the same. Ugh. I'm a terrible wife sometimes...actually, probably most of the time.

He's not a saint, but I do think he puts more thought and effort into our relationship, while I put more thought and effort into our child and our home.

Ultimately, I know that marriage comes first. If our marriage isn't healthy and strong, the rest of it will fall apart. And right now, our marriage is neither healthy or strong. The cracks that have always been there have just gotten larger and more obvious. And it's become more and more evident that we have fewer shared interests and fewer of our needs are being met by each other.

But, that just calls for adaptation. Yes, we change over time. The idea in marriage, however, is to change together rather than to grow apart.

I don't like building motorcycles, going to the shooting range, or playing video games. He doesn't like scrapbooking, watching romantic comedies, or shopping for shoes. But there are plenty of things we do like to do with each other. Like hiking, going to the movies, bowling, reading on the couch, listening to live music...

And while we might be at the point of calendaring "date nights" just to keep ourselves connected, at least we are still laughing together, still talking, still saying "I love you," still kissing goodbye, and holding each other before we fall asleep in bed. We argue, we fight, we misunderstand each other, harbor resentment, blame, and guilt ---

But, we aren't giving up.

So, I saw a link to this post on Facebook today and thought it made perfect sense.

HOW I SAVED MY MARRIAGE - By Richard Paul Evans

"Real love is not to desire a person, but to truly desire their happiness–sometimes, even, at the expense of our own happiness. Real love is not to make another person a carbon copy of one’s self. It is to expand our own capabilities of tolerance and caring, to actively seek another’s well being. All else is simply a charade of self-interest."

Photo Source: Richard Paul Evans "How I Saved My Marriage"