Sex Again...part three: "Balance and Connect"

Some excerpts I found especially important:

Ch. 10--

• "Just as each person in a relationship has his or her own yin/yang balance, so does the relationship." (pg. 157)
• "When you are centered in yourself, you can forge close emotional and energetic bonds without losing yourself." (pg. 158)
• "Lack of libido may indicate not just imbalance but also that energy is not moving between partners as it should on the occasion when they do have sex. It may also be a symptom of energy not flowing properly within one partner's body (or both)." (pg. 162)
• "Intercourse is a physical embodiment of the relationship of yin and yang, yang entering yin, transforming once again into yang." (pg. 162)
• "To nourish a strong sexual connection, both partners need to play to their lover's dominant aspect. That they may require tapping into your non-dominant trait at least a bit, until you find that exquisite balance between you and another." (pg. 164)
• "...sex is a great way to get qi moving, and free-flowing qi is an important precondition for balanced yin and yang." (pg. 164)
• "Sex can help yin transform into yang, and yang, transform into yin, re-creating balance." (pg. 164)
• "In the early phase of a relationship, sex is a big part of what forms the bond between two people. As time passes, we no longer need sex to create the bond between us, but we do need it to keep that bond strong....Sex literally, physically joins two people--and their energies--together; it nourishes the relationship in a way nothing else can." (pg. 164)

Some advice from chapter 10--

1. Look to yourself first...you can't change your partner, you can only change you.
2. Identify imbalance
3. Own your judgments...reign in your expectations
4. Focus on what you love about your partner (check out my "35 things I love about my husband" series)
5. Communicate
6. Trust your relationship to shift and change as necessary
7. Be a sounding board for your partner
8. Be choosy about what energy you allow yourself to absorb from your partner
9. Put in the work
10. Find the Middle Way

Summary--

"Have sex and you'll move qi and re-balance yin and yang between you, highlighting your connection. An experience of intimacy is especially powerful when circumstances are conspiring to pull you two apart, so there's no better for sex than when the going is tough. (Caveat: Sex cannot take the place of working on what you need to work on.)" (pg. 186)

Ch. 11-- Kissing and Foreplay

"The state of your "kissing life" is a pretty good representative of the state of your sex life."

No frigging kidding, right? I mean...we kiss. We kiss well. But, we certainly don't kiss like we used to...or as often.

That's a problem. And it's the first order of business once the book takes on it's "Sex in Six" program in the final chapters.

More on that later.

"The ancient Taoists touted foreplay because it generates qi and harmonizes yin and yang....Foreplay calms yang...and nourishes yin."

THE GOLDEN RULE OF FOREPLAY: Do unto your partner as they would have done unto them. Not, in other words, what you'd like done to you.

"Allow plenty of time to spend on foreplay. Don't wait until the last minute to have sex, when you're already tired."

"Do what works--but branch out into techniques related to what you know works. That way you will add to your repertoire."

"Delay penetration as long as possible."

"...begin with stimulating the secondary zones, then move to the primary, and finally the tertiary. This makes sure foreplay begins somewhere other than the genitals..."

Ch. 12/13/14

These chapters cover oral sex, sexual positions, and orgasms. I'm not going into any detail on those here...mainly because none of this was new information for me here. I suppose if you didn't have much experience or needed some brief sexual pointers, they might be helpful.