Holding it together when all you want to do is scream

There are times when I walk into my house, after a busy day of constant needs and demands, ready to simply sit down, have a glass of wine, and be done with the day; but instead, I am greeted by chaos, clutter, unfinished chores....

Basically, I come home to find that my people have failed me. Neither have done a thing to make my life easier. In fact, they've simply created more work for me. More laundry, more crumbs, more papers all over the tables, more...more...more...

And I want to yell and scream and just plain shake them both until they get the freaking point and change their slovenly ways.

But, I don't.

Usually.

At least I try not to. I'm a work in progress here.

I usually suck it in. I clean up the house...angrily. I do the laundry. I take care of the dogs and cats. I do the best I can with what I have left in me at the end of the day. With my son, I delegate and demand that the fun cease until rooms are clean, homework is done, baths are had, and the living room is de-cluttered enough that I can find a seat on the couch and put my feet up. But when it comes to my husband, I tend to turn that disappointment...no - let me be honest here...the fuming damn anger...into pent up resentment over his constant "seeming" disregard for my needs.

Oh, he's got my physical needs down. Why? Because that benefits him. But my love languages are being completely ignored. Of the 5 love languages (based on the research of Gary Chapman), mine are "acts of service" and "quality time"...two things my man seems to have big trouble with. Of course, I'm not innocent here, either. His love languages are "words of affirmation" and "physical touch"...two things I have trouble with.

Why is it that two people, who love each other and seem to communicate pretty well on most levels, can miss the boat so completely when it comes to each other's needs?

Anyhow...I'm trying to salvage my mood right now and be positive. I'm trying not to be mean or accusatory. I'm trying not to start a fight or get all over my husband's case because he was down in the garage tinkering on a project while the house was a disaster.

See, he has 3 days off in the middle of the week. We usually have an agreement that he does more chores on those days because he works nights and doesn't really have time to do ANY on the other 4 days. I try to give him the benefit of the doubt. I try not to expect either my husband or my son to complete chores to the level that I would. I'm just happy when they put their laundry away (I don't care what it looks like in their drawers or closets). I'm fully aware that when they clean the kitchen, crumbs will remain and the counters will still be sticky in places. I know the toilet seat will perpetually be up. I've accepted that piles of gear will be strategically (or haphazardly, if we're being really truthful) throughout the house - on pretty much every surface. I get it. But is it too much to ask that they at least accomplish the few tasks that I put on a list for them each day?

Apparently.

So, how to go about tonight? How to find my inner peace and let my anger go? How not to suck it in and add it to my other disappointments? How to salvage my mood?

What I want to do is let him have it. But instead, I will breathe. In and out. Close my eyes. Unclench my jaw.

I will try to let it go. I will try not to take it personally. I will communicate my disappointment after I've calmed down. I will speak in a way as to not start a fight (i.e. "It makes me feel like I'm not valued when you leave the house in the state you did today before you went down to the garage.")

(P.S. And he just now tells me he has to work tomorrow so he won't be able to pick our son up from school, which means I may not be able to make my yoga class. Ugh. Breathe. Let it go. I can do this. I can do this...I can do this...)

(P.P.S. He just came up and kissed me and told me to come and get him out of the garage next time so he can help. He meant it. I could tell from his eyes. I'm not sure why he couldn't have done those things before I got home. I'm also not sure why it falls on me to come and get him so he'll remember to do things. But, I'll take it. He wants to help. An he WILL help if I come get him. I have to accept that he needs me to "guide" him more specifically when it comes to my household requirements. I suppose it is better that I understand that and move on, taking his help as he can offer it, giving him clearer direction and asking for what I need, rather than expecting him to just know it and do it.)

Okay, enough said.