for better or worse: 10 qualities of a good wife (and person, in general)

In fact, it's paramount to being a good wife. No husband wants a wife (no person wants a lover, period...) who doesn't love herself (and him) enough to take care of herself. That doesn't mean selfishly thinking of yourself first, or doing whatever makes you happy whenever it makes you happy. I mean, come on, wives and moms by nature must often sacrifice their own needs for those of their family in order to keep a happy home.

But...ultimately, if we fail to focus on our health and well-being, we will be no good to those we love. In order to be good models of love and devotion, strength and confidence we must:

1. Be clean.

Good hygiene is a non-negotiable in life, I believe. I find that cleanliness can actually become a practice...almost a meditation. Asking for an hour in the bathroom alone isn't too much...and honestly, if your husband knows you're in there, shaving, soaking, filing, scrubbing, and brushing the dirt of the world away so that you can feel refreshed, shiny, and new...he'll appreciate the results just as much as you do. Being clean is a gift to yourself and to your husband.

2. Be strong in spirit.

To be grounded, we must have a spiritual connection to something greater than ourselves...and we must share it without fear and without the need for others to follow what we follow.

I remember when I first met my husband and let him "witness" a prayer session. I lit the candles and the incense, and I spoke my prayer aloud, as he sat behind me, wrapped around me, silently. He felt it was a gift to know that I would let him into a moment so sacred...and that I didn't feel the need to hide my belief in a power beyond myself - that I could admit weakness, and gain strength from it.

3. Be healthy.

We must exercise, eat right, sleep enough, and avoid unhealthy choices so that we have the energy to love our families...to hold them, stay up late for them, rise early for them, and still have life enough left to love ourselves, too. A healthy woman is a strong and capable woman. She takes care of her mental, physical, and emotional health in any way that works. That does not mean she has to do it all herself. She can rely on others...and should, if it's necessary. Sometimes, this takes time away from her husband and family, but a good husband knows that his wife's health is important to his own. Take time to run or walk in nature, alone. Care out time to go to a yoga class, or a counselor, or a doctor's appointment. Be sure to take the right vitamins or supplements and nourish your soul with things that make it happy.

4. Be confident in our beauty.

Beauty is subjective and comes from within...that light within us that says we love life and that we care for the people we surround ourselves with; if we don't find that beauty in ourselves, no one else will see it, because we are the ones who nurture it and allow it so seep from our pores. It's not about being thin or perfect, having great hair or smooth skin. It's about knowing that the canvas we have been given is enough...not focusing on our flaws and faults - unless it is to accept that those are a part of us...and therefore part of what makes us beautiful. Every mark, and wrinkle, and "imperfection" is evidence of the journey we on. They are our road map...and necessary in defining us and keeping track of where we have been. Our bodies are the silent stories of our lives, and we must honor that without judgement.

5. Be grateful and mindful.

Grace is a state of being. I don't always achieve it, but I constantly try. Knowing that what we are, where we are, and what we have is enough at any given time...that it is what we are meant to have. Being okay with this moment and accepting it at is...and who we are in it.

6. Be passionate.

Loving our families is not about devoting ourselves only to them. Of course we devote ourselves, but we must also have our own passions. They need to see that we are autonomous beings with loves or our own that fulfill us. We model for them those pursuits in passion, and they see that we can find sanctuary and pleasure in actions outside of them. We are not co-dependent.

7. Be quiet, but know when and how to use your voice.

Listen to your loved ones. Be their sounding board. Give them a place to tell their stories. Don't judge them or berate them...or give them unwanted advice. This doesn't mean you should be a doormat, never speaking up. Nor does it mean you should not tell your own stories or use your family as your own sounding board. But most of us talk too much. Sometimes, being quiet gives us the opportunity to hear our own souls better, as well. Besides, after awhile, your loved ones will wonder what's going on in there. They'll ask. And when they do, it will be true wondering, rather than obligation, that leads their inquiry.

Also, we have the power to build our loved ones up or tear them down...with only a word or two. We should use the power carefully. We can make or break them, empower them or torture them. We can do that with our silence, as well. So it's important for us control our tongues.