Be a Better Wife

First off, let me just be terribly honest...I suck as a wife on a regular basis. So, I'm not an expert. But, I AM an expert at what NOT to do...and I've failed enough to have learned at least a few piece of golden knowledge.

There are lots of ways to be a better wife. But mostly it's just about wanting to be...and trying. None of us is perfect. And when we spend a lot of time with another person, our faults are bound to shine through, sometimes in neon lights. Oddly, though, our partner is often better at accepting our faults than we are. Our guilt and shame over our inadequacies and needs can shut us down, causing us to stick our heads in the sand and ignore the problems.

Being a better wife isn't about being a perfect wife. It isn't about measuring up or outdoing the gal next door. Its' about accepting ourselves where we are, accepting our husbands (or wives...what have you) where they are...just as they are...and loving every little part of them.

It's not about being selfless or becoming a doormat. Nor is it about bending your principles or faking interest in something just because you know it'll make them happy. It's about putting the relationship first, knowing that everything else will follow.

I've tried a lot of things to improve my marriage. Not enough, however. And none of it has really worked. Mostly because my heart hasn't been in it. I was defensive. A scared cat in a corner. I figured I needed to get my own head straight before dealing with my marriage. Maybe I needed to get my house under control first. Or be a better mother. Possibly taking care of myself better...working out, eating healthy....

Basically, anything that was easier seemed like a "better" idea. Anything I could control. I can't really "control" my marriage. I can't "control" my husband. But I can control my part in it and my response to it. I need to own it. I need to hold up my end of the bargain. He didn't sign up for carrying the entire load himself. Nor did he sign up for a passionless marriage with his best friend.

Being a better wife is just putting one foot in front of the other, making a daily, concious effort to make another person happy. It's about knowing another person so well, you know what they need before they do.

This series of posts isn't meant to be a cure all. It's not even meant to work for everyone. It's just the program I laid out for myself. If it works for you, great. If it doesn't, well - I'm no expert. I'm just a wife, floundering in the great ocean of marriage, searching for ways to keep from drowning until I can find an island paradise.

#1: Choose to be one
#2: Get physical
#3: Surprise him
#4: Trust and Sex
#5: Foreplay
#6: On being a "secular" submissive wife
#7: 10 Qualities of a Good Wife
#8: Building our husbands up