Chapter 29: There a good message here that we've always abided by, though maybe not for the reason of creating a haven for sex. Keeping your bedroom free of mess and electronics and work makes sure it remains available for the purposes of relaxation, sleep, and yes, sex. I'm going to throw one of the topics from chapter 30 in here, too, because I think it belongs...children shouldn't be sleeping in your room (unless you share one because you have little space in your home...and that's a whole different issue). We moved our son out of our room by 3 or 4 months. As soon as he was sleeping through the night (at least 5 hours). It's amazing how much better you sleep when your every muscle isn't plugged in to the needs of another being. Having those little beings in your room is also not conducive to reuniting with spouse at night.
Chapter 30: Parenting and sex? Yah, the two don't mix well. And it doesn't matter what age our kids are. Obviously, they take up a lot of our time when they are small, and they need more from us. And even though they go to bed early, we're too frigging tired for sex when they do. When they are a little older, they can be nosy. When they are teenagers, they stop sleeping so soundly through the night, and often stay up later than we could ever hope to. So, we are always going to have find ways to find space and prioritize our marriage. She makes a good point that many of us tend to focus on our children, leaving little for our spouses. But, in the long run, our children NEED us to focus on each other. It's almost MORE important to focus on our marriages when we have children because now others are depending on our marriage to be solid and safe. She also give good advice to parents with teens. Be honest about what you're doing. You don't need to go into detail, but giving them a hint..."You don't want to be wandering the halls after 9 pm...so make sure to stay in your room after that time." They will get the hint...and even if it's embarrassing, it models a good relationship and shows them that your marriage is doing well. She ends the chapter with these sage words, "...remember that your marriage comes first, and children will not be scarred by learning that their parents are still hot for each other."
It's important to carve out time to be together. Scheduled date nights can be something to look forward to. Just small moments at home...the time after the kids go to bed...early mornings before they wake up...whenever!
Chapter 31: The final chapter is about celebrating how far you've come. AND about not falling into old patterns. This little excerpt has happened in our home more than once:
And for a few nights, things go wonderfully. But then one night she's extra tired and she has a headache. She wants to go to sleep. He thinks to himself,"Oh, great. Here we go again. She said she wanted change, but she won't. It will never last." And he gets angry. She knows he's angry, and she thinks to herself, "He doesn't care what I've done all week. This really is all he thinks about!" And they're back to old patterns.
It's a vicious cycle, and a fight we've had a dozen or more times. I try something. It's not enough. I feel like he doesn't care about my efforts. I pout and shut down. He gets mad. Sometimes, though, we get lucky...like now, and we've got momentum. The idea is to keep that momentum going. I've chosen to go the D/s route. He likes it...it keeps my mind in the game at all times...it puts him in charge of most of the ideas and initiation...and it takes a load of stress off me. Basically, it's a win win. And I like him better when we do it. He "becomes" the man I married. He regains his confidence and exudes power. I like that.
So, anyhow, here we are...at the end of the book. Time for something new!
